SHAME as a Buffer

As women we can be so hard on ourselves.  We shame ourselves when we don’t eat right.  We shame ourselves when we didn’t exercise.  When we didn’t get the job done.  If you were to keep track, the number of times you shame yourself each day is probably a little outrageous.

Why do we even do this?

It seems as if we think it is a good tool to get us into action. I don’t know about you, but when I am feeling shameful, I want to run and hide.  I don’t think I am the only one.  It really isn’t getting us into action.  It is having the opposite affect, yet we do it over and over.

Working with women with infertility, I have noticed that this is huge.  They are shameful of their inability to get pregnant.  Their in ability to create a new life.  Their inability to create a family.  If this is you, you probably know what I am talking about.

That little sucker SHAME creeps in at all times of the day.  When you least expect it.  At the store, work, with friends.

Let’s clear things up! Here is the definition of shame….

a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

The part that is saddening about the shame is the last part of the definition caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. 

Understand this

Unless you have consciously done something foolish or wrong, shame should not be in your vocabulary.  This is when it is good to question if you are using SHAME as a buffer.

Is shame preventing you from really understanding an issue?  Is it preventing you from growing, showing up in a new way each day?

What is shame preventing you from doing?  If you see that there is something that you aren’t doing because of your shame, then it is a good time to reassess.

I encourage clients to give it the boot, kick it out.  This complete cut off makes it much easier to recognize it when it creeps back it.

Be done with shame!  Find an emotion to replace it with.  One that will serve you. Once that will allow your body and mind to heal and become balanced.

As always, let me know if you need assistance. That is what I am here for!